I'm Sorry
by HiddeninShadows2
Summary: Nico di Angelo is sorry for many things especially for living.
1. Christmas to be Lonely

**Hello demigods/demigoddesses, whats up. Any who, this an one shot of Nico all alone in Christmas. I hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson sadly. However it belongs to Uncle Rick. **

Nico was walking down the street of Broken Dreams. **[ XD It's the song by green day. Boulevard of Broken Dreams ] **Today was Christmas. He had no one to celebrate it with. Bianca and Mom were dead. Hades was gloomy with Persephone at his side. Hazel was with Frank in Camp Jupiter. Annabeth and Percy were celebrating with Paul and Sally. Jason and Piper were at Camp Jupiter also while Leo was at Camp Half Blood. It looks like he will be all alone for Christmas. He got used to it but today was Bianca's birthday and he could never forgive himself for it. He would be alone drowning in his misery. The fallen leaves made noises as he stepped on them. That's what he was. A fallen leave that would never get all the attention, who would be all alone, eventually going to die. Mocked by all the others. The two bright leaves would be Percy and Annabeth who would be all lovey dovey and be the most cutest couple to Aphrodite. Every one else would be a bright leave too as he the one innocent annoying ten year old leave become a falling leave to the ground waiting to die being mocked at by everyone else. How much he wished to get out and release his sol to be reunited with his mother and Bianca but Hazel would cry and his father would never allow it because he is a son of Hades. He was the son of Hades and he was all alone. He walked down the street for endless hours. It was dawn of Christmas. Nico only wanted to sing not speak. An iris message popped out of nowhere and showed Hazel, and the Seven. "Nico why are you all alone?" Hazel asked.

Not speaking, Nico instead sang.

_When you're all alone with no one beside you,  
you'll realize the pain I go through  
it's so sad and miserable to have no one be your friend  
__or no one to be beside you, because you're all alone in the darkness,  
just to drown in your misery, no one cares about your feelings,  
you just want to end it all, you get used to it but it still pains you in the heart,  
the ones who smile the rarest are the loneliest,  
and the ones who have the kindest personalities are the ones who smile the brightest  
and i am one of them because they have felt pain most of their lives  
to be rarely happy in life  
once innocent but never to be innocent again  
just to be mocked by everyone else_

"Don't you see? I am always alone because no one even cares about me" Nico yelled to them in the Iris Message before swiping through it. He ran all the way.


	2. Death note

Nico was in his cabin. He remembered everything they said about him. _A Freak. A Monster. Suicidal Freak. Attention Whore. _He had enough, he couldn't take it in anymore. Instead of writing a note, he decided to use a video camera. he tied one end of the rope to the ceiling fan with the other end tied on Nico's neck. Nico is standing on a stool. The remote is in his hand and he turned it on. He started speaking.

**[The italics is Nico speaking.]**

_When you're watching this, I'm probably dead. Don't blame this at yourself. It's all my fault. I wasn't good enough to live in this world. Father, don't blame yourself, it was never your fault. It's all my fault, I was never the son you wanted, because I'm a failure. I'm weak because I'm committing suicide. i'm really sorry to do this for I know that a world without me will be better for because no one ever cared about me. i'm really sorry. It was never your fault, Percy, Father, Annabeth, Hazel, Frank, Leo, Piper, Jason, Lady Hestia, Chiron or Reyna's . Hazel, I'm really sorry that I was never the big brother you wanted. I'm sorry that I was a noisy brat. I don't deserve to live. The reason I'm doing this is so I can end all of this. All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me that I'm not alone. For someone to tell me that they cared. No one did tell me. Remember the day you tripped me, the day you were harder on me than everyone else. The day that you said that i was a horrible brother and deserved to die? Here it is I'm going to die. _

_Do you know what it's like to barely have any friends there for you?_  
_Do you know what its like to have no one understand you?_  
_Do you know what it's like to have no one to talk to?_  
_Do you know what it's like to have to hide your pain everyday?_  
_Do you know what it's like to not want to talk to anyone?_  
_Do you know what it's like to feel like crying all the time?_  
_Do you know what it's like to feel like you are doing nothing right?_  
_Do you know what it's like to be judged for everything you do?_  
_Do you know what it's like to want to hurt your self all the time?_  
_Do you know what it's like to over think everything?_  
_Do you know what it's like to be in love with someone who doesn't talk to you?_  
_Do you know what it's like to be tired all the time?_  
_Do you know what it's like to be empty inside?_  
_Do you know what it's like to be tired of every thing?_  
_Do you know what it's like to want to give up?_  
_Do you know what it's like to not feel wanted?_  
_Do you know what it's like to fake a smile?_  
_Do you know what it's like to feel sad for no reason?_  
_No you don't but i have and it hurts like hell._

_Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would. I'm the boy who is lost in space, the boy who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the boy you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible. I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full. Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet._

_I guess I'm tired.  
Tired of being laughed at.  
Tired of being made fun of.  
Tired of being ugly.  
Tired of being ignored.  
Tired of being unloved.  
Tired of no one caring.  
Tired of pretending to be happy when all I want to do is cry.  
Maybe one day you'll need me, but don't wait too long... Because the day you want me might be the day I gave up. My hands won't stop shaking. I drop the smile I've been faking. The tears won't stop flowing. It's about time I get going. _  
_I don't love myself. I hate myself. I'm a loser, a freak, a monster. I deserve to die. I'm really sorry. Please don't blame yourself, it was never your fault because it's all my fault. i'm sorry to put you through all of this. I'm really sorry. My time has come and so I'm gone, To a better place far beyond, I love you all, as you can see. But it's better now, because I'm free. Please be strong for me. I love you guys._

He mouthed the word good bye. His pointer finger was on the red off button. He pressed the button in a blink of an eye. Slowly he pushed his feet off the stool. He was dead, gone from this world. He will never come back again.


End file.
